Objectification

The link between the Madonna-Whore Complex and Australia’s high femicide rate.

(TRIGGER WARNING this post contains discussions and statistics of sexual violence and femicide)

I recently had a conversation with someone I had previously dated about our sex life.

He told me he couldn’t have the sex he wanted to with me because he liked me so much and that means he couldn’t hurt me.

He told me I was too “innocent”, “sweet”, not “slutty” enough, and “just Claudia” to him. He was worried if he made that switch in his mind he couldn’t change it back, that in a few years maybe we could try again but in a relationship.

I genuinely laughed in response (while in tears) and told him that it’s common for men to not be able to perform sexually when they realise they care about or respect a woman because of exactly that… they cannot have the violent sex they wish to have with someone they see as a person and not just an object.

As someone who has a psychology and journalism degree and has seemed to have had this conversation over and over throughout my dating life I wanted to get some more information on what may cause these feelings. Through conversations with other female friends and my own research I was lead to the Madonna-Whore Dichotomy.

First coined by Sigmund Freud, The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy describes a mindset that divides women into two categories: chaste, virtuous (Madonnas) and promiscuous, immoral (Whores).

According to feminist theory this complex processes from power imbalances and is a feature of western cultural patriarchal oppression.

A study by Debra Japko of the New York Psychoanalytic Society and Institute suggests that the the common ideals of the Madonna-Whore complex “serve to validate the continued societal acceptance of the degradation of those people who are identified as female” and “often underlies well-recognized and pervasive misogynistic attitudes in our culture.”

Japko discusses that the connection between the often-unconscious fantasies of the Madonna-Whore complex and consciously recognized misogyny may be correlated in part by previous traumas and experiences.

Arguing that men who have felt overstimulated by women both emotionally and sexually throughout development are likely to feel helpless, anxious, and powerless in relation to women as adults.

As a defence, to remain in omnipotent control, they use this dichotomy to place women into these binaries, serving to solidify masculine identities and sense of superiority.

She proposes that the prevailing of this dichotomy not only reflects shared patriarchal beliefs but also functions to justify these particularly “dangerous hateful beliefs.”

While the dichotomy does absolutely violate the reality of female sexuality, studies suggest it may also be an evolutionary mating tactic.

This argument is based on the idea that the Madonna-Whore complex is an evolved psychological outgrowth of paternal uncertainty, sorting male mating into short and long-term strategies.

Although maybe based on evolutionary factors, modernly, the placing of these binaries are often made purely out of a man’s perception of a woman.

In this dichotomy, men want to sleep with and fraternise with the ‘promiscuous’ women, who have casual relations, are ‘slutty’, and just fit their ideals of this ‘Whore’ binary… while they want to marry/be in a relationship the ‘innocent’ women, who haven’t slept with many people or anyone else, who fit into their ideal perception/image of the ‘Madonna’.

Unfortunately these men generally make these interpretations quickly, based on mere face value/ what they want to see/experience rather than any actual evidence of the persons intentions.

Yes, we categorise men as well (it’s all men etc). The difference is, that doesn’t actually harm men.

This situation isn’t the first time someone I’ve dated has said something like this to me… most commonly placing me in the Madonna category.

After seeing someone for around 3 months in 2023 he suddenly told me he now longer wanted to kiss me.

“Kissing you is too intimate… we aren’t in a relationship… but can I fuck you from behind without a condom?”

I’m unsure why I’ve ever been placed into either of these categories, I honestly think it’s through no doing of my own and the men I’ve dated have gone into the situations with an idea in mind of what they want from the relationship and nothing I do or say will sway they’re preconceived ideas of me or what they want with me. EXCEPT when they’ve realised they do like/ love me and that’s where the whole issue comes in that they cannot continue to perform sexually.

Of course not all men subscribe to this set of beliefs… Is there a secret third option outside of this complex where men can be both violent and be in a relationship?! Australia’s high domestic violence and femicide rates may agree.

According to journalist Sherele Moody from the ‘Sherele Moody Femicide Watch’ there were 101 femicides Australia wide in 2024.

Moody documents all unlawful deaths of women and children, including women lost to manslaughter and neglect.

“I count all these women because I don’t believe any should be left behind just because their death doesn’t meet a narrow view of violence!” She states in a post on the Watch’s Instagram page.

So how does the Madonna - Whore complex relate to Australia’s high femicide rate?

I cannot confirm nor deny that any of these issues are correlated, but I honestly think much of it speaks for itself… Australia has an issue with misogynism, sexualisation, and objectification of women.

It all starts somewhere.

Is it Australia’s chronic causality / she’ll be right mindset? The continual societal acceptance of telling children “If he’s mean to you it means he likes you”? I’m sure you guessed it… but I’m going to mention porn. We already know that there’s a connection between violence and porn, it’s no new information and there’s many a study on it (I’ve left some links below if you’d like to have a read).

The continual acceptance of micro aggressions against women, obscene binary placing, the jokes, the CONTINUAL IGNORING BY OUR GOVERNMENT THAT WE ARE HAVING A FEMICIDE CRISIS WITHIN AUSTRALIA. It all adds up and we have seen the results… 101 murdered women in 365 days. That’s one woman murdered nearly every 3 days.

Violence against women is a males issue, unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot we as women can do to stop it, but having an understanding why they behave the way they do can help us read the signals and stay safe.

(This post is in no way an attack on people I have previously dated or they have dated, nor is it an attack on men. It is merely me making a connection between my personal experiences and social and scientific theory. I am in no way saying that men who exhibit these behaviours are bad people/ the people who are perpetrating femicides.)

LINK/ REFERENCES:

Porn & Violence

Bach, G., Villena-Moya, A., & Chiclana-Actis, C. (June 13 2023). Pornography Use and Violence: A Systematic Review of the Last 20 Years, Volume 25, Issue 2, https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380231173619

Sherele Moody Femicide Watch

https://australianfemicidewatch.org/

https://www.instagram.com/sherelemoodyfemicidewatch?igsh=MWYxam95Y2JjcHViaQ==

Madonna-Whore Dichotomy

Tapia-Fonllem, C. O., Valenzuela Peñuñuri, R., Beltrán Sierra, N., Nieblas Soto, N., Peñaherrera-Aguirre, M., Figueredo, A. J., & Hertler, S. C. (2024). The Madonna–whore complex: An empirical test of evolutionary hypotheses. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/ebs0000356

Hertler, S., Perñaherrera-Aguirre, M. & Figueredo, A.J. An Evolutionary Explanation of the Madonna-Whore Complex. Evolutionary Psychological Science 9, 372–384 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-023-00364-1

Japko, D., (2023) The implications of the Madonna/Whore Constellation: A common fantasy underlying misogyny? International Journal of Applied Psychoanalytic Studies, Volume 20, Issue 3 (p. 525-534)https://doi.org/10.1002/aps.1831